Haunted

Ghosts can come in all forms, I believe. Most people consider a ghost to be a true apparition. A visual that can be measured in some form of evidence. But, for me, a ghost can also be a feeling. The chill that courses through your body causing every pore to bulge. That kind of ghost isn't scary, though. It is a familiar haunting, and one that I have experienced today for the first time.

The day before Halloween I recieved a text message from someone who I had wrote out of my life. He was an old boyfriend who, in the past, had wronged me. I chose to ignore the message, because, after all, why did he deserve the time of day from me? It's funny how our superiority is most expressive when we feel that we were wronged.

The message has sat in my inbox, without a response, ever since, and I thought nothing of it - he was probably trying to pull one over on me, right?

Or so I thought.

What I didn't realize at the time is that the message wasn't a crude attempt to get a rise out of me, but rather a genuine attempt at closure from someone who was very important in my young life. Unfortunately this realization hadn't occurred until today, when I got news that three days after he reached out to me he passed away.

The Look on his face:

Butterflies and dread. Those were the feelings that I was having that day. As I drove down interstate 80, all I could think was, "Turn around. You know that if you get caught your life will be over." However, a kinetic curiosity kept my foot on the pedal, and onward I went. Altoona, PA was pretty familiar to me. I used to go back-to-school shopping every year with my mom. The mall was always booming with excited kids, ready to feast on new looks for the new year. For me this trip was also exploring something new, but my mom could never know about it.

I had recently ended my first relationship ever, and I was on my way to meet someone who had reached out to me after that relationship ended. At this point in my life I was not out to any of my family members, and unfortunately that lead to a disgusting web of lies for which I had crafted. It was wrong of me, yes, but I was terrified. The only way for me to be happy was to know that there were people like me, and people who wanted to be with me. 

I arrived in Altoona after an hour and a half drive. The whole way I listened to Kate Nash's Made of Bricks CD and bit my nails out of anxiety. I sent out the text: Almost there. There being the mega Sheetz, a Pennsylvania chain of gas stations - this one being particularly grand. As I pulled into the spot, my feet felt like Jello. I know that this was mostly a trip to complain about my ex, but I was also attracted to the fellow for which I was meeting. I gently walked into the complex and heard my name being called from a table. A jolt of chills traveled through my body. I was never very good at meeting new people, and there was no turning back now. I turned to see a girl standing with a handsome boy. He was dressed for Autumn and had the biggest grin on his face. His almond eyes almost sealed shut, it was so big. It's always satisfying to see a face who is genuinely happy to see you. "I'm Sean," he said.

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Today I have been haunted, and I'm not sure how long the ghost will linger. Sure there were bad memories, but Sean decided to part me with that memory, and I am grateful. But, what he didn't realize is that he parted me with much more. I have been terribly ungrateful recently for the life that I have been given. So many things, including my parents who I lied to 7 years ago in order to meet Sean, have been taken taken for granted. Some people are dealt terrible hands of cards, and I am lucky enough to have a full house. 

Sean, may you rest in peace and know that you have haunted me in the most beautiful way. Thank you.

I Saw a Stranger's Breasts Today

Now that I have your attention... I have an interesting story to tell.

I saw a stranger's breasts today. No, not just out of the blue or for the entire public to see. It was rather intimate, and in a way heart warming. Before anyone becomes confused or alarmed, allow me to elaborate.

It was around 12:30 PM. The sun was bright and the streets were busy with lunch dates, last minute Christmas travel, and the usual beggars. I, myself, was on my way to a lunch date in Hollywood. My mind lately has been very clouded; sort of a mix of anxiety and nostalgia colliding with hope and ambition. The entire walk to the red line station, however, gave me a brief moment of clarity, where nothing else mattered. It was about 58 degrees outside and the sun felt like a warm hug. This is why people live in California.

I ascended the stairs to the metro and heard the ever-so disappointing sound of a car leaving. A 10-minute wait was in store, but I was in no really hurry, so I got onto the empty train that had arrived as the other on left (the north Hollywood stop is the final stop, so either track will get you out of the valley).

As I sat and contemplated the various graffiti arts, I heard a boisterous, melodic voice enter the train. Lead by a rather edgy, mixed woman, a young, black woman in hot pink pants trailed onto the rail and indicated my way. "Let's sit here. He seems real nice!" she exclaimed. I laughed and shrugged. Usually I avoid speaking to strangers all together. "Oh shoot! That's my cousin!" She got up and shook fists with a man who had just entered and leaned against one of the poles. They shared a brief conversation before she sat back down. "Well he's not really my cousin," she said, "We ain't related, but like... we basically cousins."

"I get it." I responded, "I have people who for most of my childhood I thought were my cousins, but really they were my parents' friends' kids."  I kind of chuckled. "Basically cousins."

"So you black!" She grinned. I kind of laughed and shrugged again. "Whats your name?" We made introductions, and I met her friend and her 'cousin'. They went off into another conversation about where they were going. We were all, after all, meeting through the common purpose of a destination. The 'cousin' was on his way to fill out his final paper work to begin a new job with Delta airlines in Florida. Apparently this was a huge deal, since my hot panted friend grew with glee. "No shit! Is yo' baby momma comin' too?" She was not. The conversation got a little grim, as it was clear he had to part from the mother of his child in order to pursue a career, or, if anything, pursue money to support this family. "Well I'm on my way to a photo shoot!" She was rather smug.

"And I'm here to make sure she don't get raped!" Said her counterpart. My face must have shown concern, because there was an immediate response directed towards me.

"Okay, it's not like porn. I won't get raped."

My face was still perplexed. I was really missing something. She went on, "It's tasteful nudes. Here. I did them before. Look. See." She pulled out her phone and gave me an amuse-bouche of selected nude photography for which she was the subject. She was wonderfully curvaceous with smooth, almost melted on, skin. She was indeed in the nude, but, in a very artistic way. Almost in celebration of the human body. Adorned on her neck was a string of white pearls, which nicely contrasted her rich, mahogany skin. "It's artistic, right?!"

"Yeah. I would by no means call that porn," I said. "They're very good, really."

She smiled and put the phone away. "I told you. I'm doing more today!" She then went on to talk to her cousin about how she loves school, hates where she lives, loves weed, hates smoking after she brushes her teeth. I listened in and out of the conversation, really, because it was none of my business.

My stop was almost up, and I told them that I had to go meet someone for lunch. "It was nice meeting you," she said. "I knew you were a nice person. You have on a mustard hoodie."

I chuckled, "And you hot pink pants." We shook hands, and I exited. I turned around in just enough time to watch the doors close, and the shuttle take off into the cavern, towards their futures.