Haunted

Ghosts can come in all forms, I believe. Most people consider a ghost to be a true apparition. A visual that can be measured in some form of evidence. But, for me, a ghost can also be a feeling. The chill that courses through your body causing every pore to bulge. That kind of ghost isn't scary, though. It is a familiar haunting, and one that I have experienced today for the first time.

The day before Halloween I recieved a text message from someone who I had wrote out of my life. He was an old boyfriend who, in the past, had wronged me. I chose to ignore the message, because, after all, why did he deserve the time of day from me? It's funny how our superiority is most expressive when we feel that we were wronged.

The message has sat in my inbox, without a response, ever since, and I thought nothing of it - he was probably trying to pull one over on me, right?

Or so I thought.

What I didn't realize at the time is that the message wasn't a crude attempt to get a rise out of me, but rather a genuine attempt at closure from someone who was very important in my young life. Unfortunately this realization hadn't occurred until today, when I got news that three days after he reached out to me he passed away.

The Look on his face:

Butterflies and dread. Those were the feelings that I was having that day. As I drove down interstate 80, all I could think was, "Turn around. You know that if you get caught your life will be over." However, a kinetic curiosity kept my foot on the pedal, and onward I went. Altoona, PA was pretty familiar to me. I used to go back-to-school shopping every year with my mom. The mall was always booming with excited kids, ready to feast on new looks for the new year. For me this trip was also exploring something new, but my mom could never know about it.

I had recently ended my first relationship ever, and I was on my way to meet someone who had reached out to me after that relationship ended. At this point in my life I was not out to any of my family members, and unfortunately that lead to a disgusting web of lies for which I had crafted. It was wrong of me, yes, but I was terrified. The only way for me to be happy was to know that there were people like me, and people who wanted to be with me. 

I arrived in Altoona after an hour and a half drive. The whole way I listened to Kate Nash's Made of Bricks CD and bit my nails out of anxiety. I sent out the text: Almost there. There being the mega Sheetz, a Pennsylvania chain of gas stations - this one being particularly grand. As I pulled into the spot, my feet felt like Jello. I know that this was mostly a trip to complain about my ex, but I was also attracted to the fellow for which I was meeting. I gently walked into the complex and heard my name being called from a table. A jolt of chills traveled through my body. I was never very good at meeting new people, and there was no turning back now. I turned to see a girl standing with a handsome boy. He was dressed for Autumn and had the biggest grin on his face. His almond eyes almost sealed shut, it was so big. It's always satisfying to see a face who is genuinely happy to see you. "I'm Sean," he said.

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Today I have been haunted, and I'm not sure how long the ghost will linger. Sure there were bad memories, but Sean decided to part me with that memory, and I am grateful. But, what he didn't realize is that he parted me with much more. I have been terribly ungrateful recently for the life that I have been given. So many things, including my parents who I lied to 7 years ago in order to meet Sean, have been taken taken for granted. Some people are dealt terrible hands of cards, and I am lucky enough to have a full house. 

Sean, may you rest in peace and know that you have haunted me in the most beautiful way. Thank you.

10 Signs that You're a Human Being

Being a human is so stressful! Things get so crazy and out of hand sometimes, that we need to just sit down and resort to internet created lists in order to validate our own insecurities. You know what I'm talking about, right Helen? Haha. Oh you.

Since so many lists get posted on the internet displaying numerical offerings of common attributes, I figured that it is about time that there is a more relatable, more sharable list for the cyber world to indulge in!

10 Signs that You're a Human Being:

1. Breathing air as to not suffocate!

Can't live with it, can't live without it, am I right?!

2. Eating food in order to survive!

Nom nom nom. You go girl. Eat that salad!

3. Sleeping as to not die!

Or use the alternative of a Starbucks double mocha latte in order to stay alive. Ether works, girl!

4. Genitals!

Unless you have had some freak accident, in which case you have been classified as a sub-human, you can stand proud to know that you are INDEED a human!

5. Emotional reactions to things!

Unlike those boring, less popular species, we humans can feel things. And, boy we sure do! Who wants to watch Ice Castles?!

6. Sense with the senses!

Do you smell what the rock is cookin'?! Haha, no? Well, go to hell you socialist pig!

7. Free will!

That's right. As a human you can make decisions, for better or for worse. Now which Prada bag do I pick?! Ughhh life is SO hard.


8. Ability to love!

All we need is love! And pizza! I love pizza! Let's go get some pizza while we gossip about boys, haha!

9. Poop!

I bet you poop, don't you. Don't be shy. Just say it with me. Poop.

10. You're Alive!

This may be the most important, especially if you're reading this. Unless you're a ghost. In which case, tell Whitney Houston I said hi!!!!!!


So That's it. 10 Signs that you're a human being. Share with your friends so that they can also relate to these very specific and special points for which I really thought about to curate. Hopefully you can touch some one else's life through my blog exposure. Hopefully someone in your life will read this and think "Wow, so true!" Because, since we are human, we are constantly looking to relate to one another on a much deeper level.