The Art of Being Rejected and Dealing with It

I think that one of the biggest life lessons anyone can learn is being able to accept and grow from rejection. We all experience it. Some more than others, but it is genuinely a terrible feeling whether it is the first or thousandth time.

Rejection comes in many disguises. For some it is romanic. Approaching your crush, and asking them out on a date, or, more commonly in modern society, on OkCupid. You take the risk to put all of your pride aside in order to open your life towards someone new in hopes that they will reciprocate in the same way.... Only to be told, "No." Or, even worse sometimes, being placed in the friend-zone. Feeling undesirable is perhaps one of the worst feelings ever.

However, rejection can be performed on way more stages than just the romantic front. For some it is asking a friend for a ride to work because your car broke down and you have no other way to make it there, then being told, "No." For others it is the salty cold shoulder when trying to get invited to a party that EVERYONE AND THEIR GRANDMOTHER has already been invited to. "No." For me, however, the feeling of inadequacy and self doubt have come from the career front. I have previously discussed my issues with finding employment. It is still as terrible to find full-time employment, but here is how I am dealing with it, and I think that it might be able to help with other forms of rejection, as well.

1. Take Control. Everyone else around you has their things to do. They are not going to be a constant thing in your life, and yes it is nice to feel included, or desired, or employed, but the truth is that you can't give someone else the power to control your circumstance. If something isn't working out don't keep trying to dig through stone with a spoon. Either find a jackhammer, or softer ground.

2. Remember What You Have. Working towards a goal is important, but not everyone has it figured out and knows what they're doing with their life. And, that's okay. What is dire is that you take to step back and recall all the good things that you have going for you while you take on the journey of self discovery. Half of life is figuring it out, and if you take the joy away from that by harping on the negative rejections, then you'll never really understand how your life should be mapped out. Take a deep breath. Not everyone said no, and not everyone will.

3. Don't Beat Yourself Up. This may be the most important. When you're rejected, your mind can automatically propel you into a downward spiral of self-deprecation. Do NOT let this happen. You are good enough. Maybe that person had one thing that was better for that specific situation, but you have something special that will be perfect somewhere else. Some people get lucky early on, but the path to 'yes' is only going to happen if you can love yourself first.

4. Surround Yourself with Happiness. This should be easy, but sometimes people let the influence of others take over their surroundings. Take the time to do the things that make you happy and be around the people that make you happy. Maybe what makes you happy is considered weird to some. Don't eliminate that activity from your life, eliminate the judgmental party. So long as your happiness inducing activity isn't harming your or anyone else, embrace it. As I say, you do you.

5. Move on. With all of the previous points in mind, you need to move on past being rejected. Don't try to play out the 'what if'. Don't try to say, "If only I..." Get past it. You will always have another chance at something new so long as you get up and move on. The quicker you can do this, the quicker you may finally be told, "yes."

Rejection is one of those things that keeps you up at night. I know that I take rejection very to heart, and it can swallow your emotions whole if you let it. Life is too short to allow this to happen. One day or another you will get what you want. Until that day, buck up. There is a 'Yes' out there waiting for you to message them "hello" on e-harmony, email them your resume, or ask them to play magic the gathering on Saturday.

Get Out of Your Bubble, Get on with Your Life

Most things in the modern world need to be classified. We have come acclimated to plopping a label on something. Not because the label is accurate, but because we want to understand it better. It's much easier to use one word to describe something, rather than an entire sentence. It's the different between saying, "The sky is blue," and "The sky is an ever changing gradient of indigo, ultramarine, and crimson." Sure, the sky, generally speaking, is blue, but, if you want to fully understand the sky, you need to understand that it changes colors, and is never really an even tone.

Unfortunately this principal is ever too present amongst humans. For some reason, we have an innate need to place each other into bubbles. It makes life easier, so you can understand someone. Which, is understandable. But, this becomes dangerous once we begin to allow these bubbles to merge, and become too massive and general. Especially when it comes to matters of gender and race. But, the world doesn't need another article about gender and racial stereotyping and why it's a dangerous thing. 

No, this isn't an article about that. This is about the bubble you choose to place yourself in, not one that others do. 

There is a huge pressure to acclimate yourself to something that is expected for yourself. Everyone has a very different position, that is very unique. And, I understand, that some people are placed into situations economically that it are nearly impossible to get out of. But, that's a whole other issue. People who have the opportunity to choose, however, shouldn't let that opportunity pass. We live in a world where privilege means success, but it doesn't necessarily mean choice. To quote one of my favorite movies (Pokemon: The First Movie), "... the circumstances of one's birth are irrelevant; it's what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are." 

So, how does this effect your bubble? It has everything to do with that. We have these categories that others want to place us in, just as much as we want to be placed into these categories. We want self identification just as much as others need to identify us. When you're born into something, you are automatically placed into a category, then from there you are forced to choose the bubbles to include yourself in as you grow up. 

You're straight? Okay here are the only other bubbles that can be added to that label. Oh, you're also Christian? Alright here are a few choices from there, you have to enter this bubble, though, because thats what straight christians do. And I guess you have to take these other bubbles, as well. Here's the republican bubble, and the homophobic bubble, and the Bill O'Riley fan bubble. Wait? You don't want those bubbles? But you won't fit in with the others... Are you sure you want that? Suits you...

This mentality goes every which way. Gay people have bubbles handed to them, atheists have bubbles handed to them, black people have bubbles handed to them, everyone has bubbles handed to them. But you don't have to let the bubbles choose you. You can step out of that bubble and be whatever you want. Your personal beliefs aren't determined by a few identifying factors of your life. If you want to be a republican, lesbian atheist, then you have every damn right to also be a vegan who doesn't believe in philanthropy. We are bound to constrictions and rules of one word. That word has no more power than a blade of grass does right before the mower passes over head. 

Just like the sky, you don't have to belong to such a small bubble. Or any bubble at all. Be what you want to be, not what you think you should be. I believe your life will be happier, and more colorful this way. And, maybe, you will begin to understand others more who don't fit into these little boxes that we create for ourselves. You'll learn to sympathize or tolerate those who don't fit with the life you are living. Or, you might even discover something new about yourself. Make your life into a collage, rather than a map. Knowing how to get somewhere isn't half as much fun as figuring out where to turn next. 

So how would you describe yourself? With a word, or a lifestyle?