The Art of Being Rejected and Dealing with It

I think that one of the biggest life lessons anyone can learn is being able to accept and grow from rejection. We all experience it. Some more than others, but it is genuinely a terrible feeling whether it is the first or thousandth time.

Rejection comes in many disguises. For some it is romanic. Approaching your crush, and asking them out on a date, or, more commonly in modern society, on OkCupid. You take the risk to put all of your pride aside in order to open your life towards someone new in hopes that they will reciprocate in the same way.... Only to be told, "No." Or, even worse sometimes, being placed in the friend-zone. Feeling undesirable is perhaps one of the worst feelings ever.

However, rejection can be performed on way more stages than just the romantic front. For some it is asking a friend for a ride to work because your car broke down and you have no other way to make it there, then being told, "No." For others it is the salty cold shoulder when trying to get invited to a party that EVERYONE AND THEIR GRANDMOTHER has already been invited to. "No." For me, however, the feeling of inadequacy and self doubt have come from the career front. I have previously discussed my issues with finding employment. It is still as terrible to find full-time employment, but here is how I am dealing with it, and I think that it might be able to help with other forms of rejection, as well.

1. Take Control. Everyone else around you has their things to do. They are not going to be a constant thing in your life, and yes it is nice to feel included, or desired, or employed, but the truth is that you can't give someone else the power to control your circumstance. If something isn't working out don't keep trying to dig through stone with a spoon. Either find a jackhammer, or softer ground.

2. Remember What You Have. Working towards a goal is important, but not everyone has it figured out and knows what they're doing with their life. And, that's okay. What is dire is that you take to step back and recall all the good things that you have going for you while you take on the journey of self discovery. Half of life is figuring it out, and if you take the joy away from that by harping on the negative rejections, then you'll never really understand how your life should be mapped out. Take a deep breath. Not everyone said no, and not everyone will.

3. Don't Beat Yourself Up. This may be the most important. When you're rejected, your mind can automatically propel you into a downward spiral of self-deprecation. Do NOT let this happen. You are good enough. Maybe that person had one thing that was better for that specific situation, but you have something special that will be perfect somewhere else. Some people get lucky early on, but the path to 'yes' is only going to happen if you can love yourself first.

4. Surround Yourself with Happiness. This should be easy, but sometimes people let the influence of others take over their surroundings. Take the time to do the things that make you happy and be around the people that make you happy. Maybe what makes you happy is considered weird to some. Don't eliminate that activity from your life, eliminate the judgmental party. So long as your happiness inducing activity isn't harming your or anyone else, embrace it. As I say, you do you.

5. Move on. With all of the previous points in mind, you need to move on past being rejected. Don't try to play out the 'what if'. Don't try to say, "If only I..." Get past it. You will always have another chance at something new so long as you get up and move on. The quicker you can do this, the quicker you may finally be told, "yes."

Rejection is one of those things that keeps you up at night. I know that I take rejection very to heart, and it can swallow your emotions whole if you let it. Life is too short to allow this to happen. One day or another you will get what you want. Until that day, buck up. There is a 'Yes' out there waiting for you to message them "hello" on e-harmony, email them your resume, or ask them to play magic the gathering on Saturday.

On the Right Track

Sometimes I take for granted the lessons that we learn from theatre. In a way I have become jaded to the magic of the stage after having worked in it. Honesty I stopped seeing shows that I have worked on.... I've become the ex boyfriend that doesn't give closure. I work really hard on it and run away as fast as I can, no looking back. I don't know what has given me so much angst against my theatre background. Maybe it is the fact that I haven't been really submerging myself in it the way I had imagined. Or maybe I just need a break from it in order to really appreciate it. For now, though, the only way I can think of treating theatre is by steering clear of it or hitting it with my car; not letting it come along for the ride.

One week from today I am moving to Los Angeles. My gut has been experiencing a sensation somewhere between having to poop and being mauled by a handheld mixer. Everyday I am doing something to prepare for the move, and the stress is making me very moody. Also I've been eating everything in sight. I ate an entire cosmopolitan magazine today. Also a wiimote. That is beside the point.

The point is that I'm beginning to get cold feet. This is perhaps going to be the most difficult thing that I have ever do in my life. I'm not only taking a huge financial risk, but I am moving to the opposite side of the country, far from where I was born and raised, and where most of my family resides. What am I thinking, right? It's insane. Why would I take this huge risk AND lose my support system? What am I looking to really gain? The truth is: I HAVE NO IDEA. Today I spent hours pacing around the empty house trying to find something to take my mind off the insistent doubt. This is where the tabloid consumption came into play.

After a while I put my itunes on shuffle, clicked play, and sat around as a thunderstorm began to develop outside. As the crashes sounded and the wind whistled, my stress built even more. It's almost as if the sudden monsoon outside was my doing. Just as the atmosphere became the familiar, murky, green-gray of an august rain, a song came on my shuffle.

"Now I can see you're in a rut, in disarray
And I'm not one to butt in, but in fact I must say
If you'd take it easy, trust awhile, don't look blue, don't look back
You'll pull through in just awhile 'cause you're on the right track"

My gut stopped clenching. Anymore I skip songs from musicals that appear on my shuffle. I've come to flag them as campy and lame with zero depth. But suddenly, like an open geyser, i was effected by this song. The song is called "On the Right Track" and it is from the musical Pippin. Although this show is known for being magical, I never really related to it. Until now that is. This song was exactly what I needed. Assurance. 

I suppose that I should not take my background in theatre for granted. I was given the ability to cause emotional reactions upon people through the art of stage craft. And although it can sometimes be a thankless job, it has gotten me to this point, and I can't stop where I am right now. 

I'm on the right track. Wherever this track may lead, each step I take is one more forward. But, I should probably stop eating inanimate objects. 

The Importance of Risks

The unknown is scary. Somewhere, someplace, there is probably a documented study on how people react to unknown information. I would guess the responses range from terror, uncomfortableness, self urination, crying, binge eating, ect. I've experienced the fear of the unknown recently, and, frankly, need to put into prose some form of response so that I can gain momentum towards breaking this fear and taking the risk of diving head first into the unknown world.

In one month from now I will not know where I will be living. I will not know where I will be working. I will not know what I will be eating. Basically the only thing I know about August 24th is that I will have been in Los Angeles for a week. It's a big move for me. I've grown up and lived in Pennsylvania for my entire life. But I am leaving the nest and throwing caution to the wind in order to travel across America to be in a new city full of unknown opportunities. August 24th will hopefully be the first day that I begin to retract from the depths of the unknown. The important thing about the day of August 24th is that I have promised myself I will have found an apartment by then. Cheers to that goal, lets celebrate with a bottle of champagne that I cannot afford!

Lately I have been applying to at least one job a day. This has totaled in 20+ applications in about 2 weeks. What no one tells you about being an adult and applying for work is that sometimes no one contacts you. You can update your inbox every hour, like a 14-year old girl who just sent her crush a love letter, but the only incoming mail is from your mom. This isn't something that a college education preps you for (that means, for all of you in high school, there isn't a 'dealing with email neglect 101'). I always expected companies to be polite and, at the very least, send a courtesy rejection email. The only thing worse than rejection is the unknown. For all I know these companies ARE considering me. But, how am I supposed to know that with zero contact, right? I feel like someone who just sent a text after a first date and has waited two weeks for a response about going on another. I can't be that terrible, can I?

The truth is, I am probably not terrible. They have a lot of applications, and the job market is very competitive right now. But, this unknown fear has really been weighing me down.

I guess that my main motivation for dealing with this pressure is the KNOWN of what would happen if I didn't take this risk. I would move back home with my parents. I would work for a factory and make decent money, but not be around people that are of my desired culture, and not be living on my own with the ability to  explore a city of diversity and opportunity. To me, this outcome is more terrifying than being homeless and unemployed on August 24th. Letting go of my dreams and giving into the known is what I should be fearing.

Supposedly I should be doing the smart thing. I should be doing what is financially less risky and socially more understood. But, I don't want that. I can't let the fear of taking a risk get in my way. In fact I shouldn't even fear taking a risk. They say you can't be afraid of what you don't know right?

Vanity is Receding

Mirrors are awful. Media is awful. Sexuality is awful.

These things all influence our vanity. Sometimes to extremes. They make us self conscious, upset, and usually uncomfortable.

I am no stranger to this game. Sure, we all hear about women in the media, but men can have issues with their body image too. For me, recently, its been my hairline. It is receding.

How frivolous is this? I mean sure. It's not a big deal. I have my health. But, lets look at some pictures of models with ideal hairlines in order to emphasize my point.

 


I mean, obviously the point of modeling is to be beautiful. However, the fact that we idolize this societal driven image of beauty is absurd. We should be idolizing intelligence or passion, not hair.

 

So why should I feel so terrible about the fact that my hairline isn't as youthful as it was 4 years ago. I'm educated with a college degree, I continuously seek new sources of information to wrap my mind around, and I challenge everything in order to find out how or why it is happening. I should not be feeling so terrible about something as frivolous as a receding hairline

Because of this, I have decided to accept my growing forehead. Yesterday I had my haircut short in order to flatter what is naturally happening to me. It was a huge blow to my ego, but honestly, it does look a lot better.

I don't think it is healthy to compare your beauty to others. You should only ever have to compare yourself to yourself. Don't try to be like Chris pine or Megan Fox. Find out how you can flatter your body as it is, and go with it. No one will ever say that you look bad if you can work with what cards you were given.

My endeavors in self beauty are clearly only the tip of the ice berg of the huge problem of body image in America. If you don't give into what causes the negative feelings of self worth, then we can eliminate the need to rely on the main sources of eating disorders, body dysmorphia, and self esteem issues. This expectation also leads to bullying in schools. It's a parasite that will grow unless we, as adults, make a strong effort to change the future for everyone.

Like my hairline, vanity can recede. However, unlike my hairline, it won't recede unless you make it.