On the Right Track

Sometimes I take for granted the lessons that we learn from theatre. In a way I have become jaded to the magic of the stage after having worked in it. Honesty I stopped seeing shows that I have worked on.... I've become the ex boyfriend that doesn't give closure. I work really hard on it and run away as fast as I can, no looking back. I don't know what has given me so much angst against my theatre background. Maybe it is the fact that I haven't been really submerging myself in it the way I had imagined. Or maybe I just need a break from it in order to really appreciate it. For now, though, the only way I can think of treating theatre is by steering clear of it or hitting it with my car; not letting it come along for the ride.

One week from today I am moving to Los Angeles. My gut has been experiencing a sensation somewhere between having to poop and being mauled by a handheld mixer. Everyday I am doing something to prepare for the move, and the stress is making me very moody. Also I've been eating everything in sight. I ate an entire cosmopolitan magazine today. Also a wiimote. That is beside the point.

The point is that I'm beginning to get cold feet. This is perhaps going to be the most difficult thing that I have ever do in my life. I'm not only taking a huge financial risk, but I am moving to the opposite side of the country, far from where I was born and raised, and where most of my family resides. What am I thinking, right? It's insane. Why would I take this huge risk AND lose my support system? What am I looking to really gain? The truth is: I HAVE NO IDEA. Today I spent hours pacing around the empty house trying to find something to take my mind off the insistent doubt. This is where the tabloid consumption came into play.

After a while I put my itunes on shuffle, clicked play, and sat around as a thunderstorm began to develop outside. As the crashes sounded and the wind whistled, my stress built even more. It's almost as if the sudden monsoon outside was my doing. Just as the atmosphere became the familiar, murky, green-gray of an august rain, a song came on my shuffle.

"Now I can see you're in a rut, in disarray
And I'm not one to butt in, but in fact I must say
If you'd take it easy, trust awhile, don't look blue, don't look back
You'll pull through in just awhile 'cause you're on the right track"

My gut stopped clenching. Anymore I skip songs from musicals that appear on my shuffle. I've come to flag them as campy and lame with zero depth. But suddenly, like an open geyser, i was effected by this song. The song is called "On the Right Track" and it is from the musical Pippin. Although this show is known for being magical, I never really related to it. Until now that is. This song was exactly what I needed. Assurance. 

I suppose that I should not take my background in theatre for granted. I was given the ability to cause emotional reactions upon people through the art of stage craft. And although it can sometimes be a thankless job, it has gotten me to this point, and I can't stop where I am right now. 

I'm on the right track. Wherever this track may lead, each step I take is one more forward. But, I should probably stop eating inanimate objects.