The unknown is scary. Somewhere, someplace, there is probably a documented study on how people react to unknown information. I would guess the responses range from terror, uncomfortableness, self urination, crying, binge eating, ect. I've experienced the fear of the unknown recently, and, frankly, need to put into prose some form of response so that I can gain momentum towards breaking this fear and taking the risk of diving head first into the unknown world.
In one month from now I will not know where I will be living. I will not know where I will be working. I will not know what I will be eating. Basically the only thing I know about August 24th is that I will have been in Los Angeles for a week. It's a big move for me. I've grown up and lived in Pennsylvania for my entire life. But I am leaving the nest and throwing caution to the wind in order to travel across America to be in a new city full of unknown opportunities. August 24th will hopefully be the first day that I begin to retract from the depths of the unknown. The important thing about the day of August 24th is that I have promised myself I will have found an apartment by then. Cheers to that goal, lets celebrate with a bottle of champagne that I cannot afford!
Lately I have been applying to at least one job a day. This has totaled in 20+ applications in about 2 weeks. What no one tells you about being an adult and applying for work is that sometimes no one contacts you. You can update your inbox every hour, like a 14-year old girl who just sent her crush a love letter, but the only incoming mail is from your mom. This isn't something that a college education preps you for (that means, for all of you in high school, there isn't a 'dealing with email neglect 101'). I always expected companies to be polite and, at the very least, send a courtesy rejection email. The only thing worse than rejection is the unknown. For all I know these companies ARE considering me. But, how am I supposed to know that with zero contact, right? I feel like someone who just sent a text after a first date and has waited two weeks for a response about going on another. I can't be that terrible, can I?
The truth is, I am probably not terrible. They have a lot of applications, and the job market is very competitive right now. But, this unknown fear has really been weighing me down.
I guess that my main motivation for dealing with this pressure is the KNOWN of what would happen if I didn't take this risk. I would move back home with my parents. I would work for a factory and make decent money, but not be around people that are of my desired culture, and not be living on my own with the ability to explore a city of diversity and opportunity. To me, this outcome is more terrifying than being homeless and unemployed on August 24th. Letting go of my dreams and giving into the known is what I should be fearing.
Supposedly I should be doing the smart thing. I should be doing what is financially less risky and socially more understood. But, I don't want that. I can't let the fear of taking a risk get in my way. In fact I shouldn't even fear taking a risk. They say you can't be afraid of what you don't know right?
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