The Art of Being Rejected and Dealing with It

I think that one of the biggest life lessons anyone can learn is being able to accept and grow from rejection. We all experience it. Some more than others, but it is genuinely a terrible feeling whether it is the first or thousandth time.

Rejection comes in many disguises. For some it is romanic. Approaching your crush, and asking them out on a date, or, more commonly in modern society, on OkCupid. You take the risk to put all of your pride aside in order to open your life towards someone new in hopes that they will reciprocate in the same way.... Only to be told, "No." Or, even worse sometimes, being placed in the friend-zone. Feeling undesirable is perhaps one of the worst feelings ever.

However, rejection can be performed on way more stages than just the romantic front. For some it is asking a friend for a ride to work because your car broke down and you have no other way to make it there, then being told, "No." For others it is the salty cold shoulder when trying to get invited to a party that EVERYONE AND THEIR GRANDMOTHER has already been invited to. "No." For me, however, the feeling of inadequacy and self doubt have come from the career front. I have previously discussed my issues with finding employment. It is still as terrible to find full-time employment, but here is how I am dealing with it, and I think that it might be able to help with other forms of rejection, as well.

1. Take Control. Everyone else around you has their things to do. They are not going to be a constant thing in your life, and yes it is nice to feel included, or desired, or employed, but the truth is that you can't give someone else the power to control your circumstance. If something isn't working out don't keep trying to dig through stone with a spoon. Either find a jackhammer, or softer ground.

2. Remember What You Have. Working towards a goal is important, but not everyone has it figured out and knows what they're doing with their life. And, that's okay. What is dire is that you take to step back and recall all the good things that you have going for you while you take on the journey of self discovery. Half of life is figuring it out, and if you take the joy away from that by harping on the negative rejections, then you'll never really understand how your life should be mapped out. Take a deep breath. Not everyone said no, and not everyone will.

3. Don't Beat Yourself Up. This may be the most important. When you're rejected, your mind can automatically propel you into a downward spiral of self-deprecation. Do NOT let this happen. You are good enough. Maybe that person had one thing that was better for that specific situation, but you have something special that will be perfect somewhere else. Some people get lucky early on, but the path to 'yes' is only going to happen if you can love yourself first.

4. Surround Yourself with Happiness. This should be easy, but sometimes people let the influence of others take over their surroundings. Take the time to do the things that make you happy and be around the people that make you happy. Maybe what makes you happy is considered weird to some. Don't eliminate that activity from your life, eliminate the judgmental party. So long as your happiness inducing activity isn't harming your or anyone else, embrace it. As I say, you do you.

5. Move on. With all of the previous points in mind, you need to move on past being rejected. Don't try to play out the 'what if'. Don't try to say, "If only I..." Get past it. You will always have another chance at something new so long as you get up and move on. The quicker you can do this, the quicker you may finally be told, "yes."

Rejection is one of those things that keeps you up at night. I know that I take rejection very to heart, and it can swallow your emotions whole if you let it. Life is too short to allow this to happen. One day or another you will get what you want. Until that day, buck up. There is a 'Yes' out there waiting for you to message them "hello" on e-harmony, email them your resume, or ask them to play magic the gathering on Saturday.

Putting it Together

Sometimes reflection is the only means to moving forward. This has never rang so true as toward my current situation after having road tripped across America to the west coast. 

I am uncertain as to what I should expect from my future here. I don't have an apartment yet. I don't have a job yet. But, I am working on both. Not to my surprise, both of these gateways of adulthood are very competitive here. It's like a giant, sprawling city resided by a bunch of Williams sisters, constantly competing for the gold. That an cheap mexican food. 

It would be a lie to say I haven't been stressed. I've been stressed out of my mind. This is probably the most difficult thing that I have ever had to do in my life. I've been living out of a suitcase for the last week and a half, I've been eating out daily, and I have spent every day since arriving in LA looking for apartments/jobs. To most people, this probably poses itself as insane. 

Today me and my friend Shannon decided to take a break from the hunting and the insanity of the city, to relax on the beach. We wound up at El Matador beach, upon a friend's recommendation. It was right in Malibu. The shore was a mixture of diving cliffs and dusty greenery with fits of sand coating any area where the shore-beaten boulders decided not to grow out of. It, quite literally, looked like the coast from the Little Mermaid, except I wasn't a red-head nor was I wearing a sea shell bra.

It was all to picturesque. We walked around the area and examined the atmosphere. After we found a place to plop down, I became enveloped in my own thoughts. While pacing in circles through the warm, coarse sand, I began to reflect on what I was doing with my life. It started with the negative thoughts of how ludicrous it is of me to blindly move to an unfamiliar city in order to pursue an unknown future. It then transformed into the acceptance of my decision, and the steps I must take in order to make it all work. Shortly after that list was composed, I took a step back and realized that Penn State starts its Fall Semester tomorrow. This is the first year that I will not be having a 'first day of school'. This is my first year where I am truly an adult, and that I can pursue whatever I dream of, simply, because I can. 

I've come a very long way to the west coast. I left my small town to attend a huge university. I went through 4 years of a college education and met some of the best friends that I may ever have in my life. I traveled all the way across the country, through cities and states that I never imagined myself seeing. I stepped into the vast body of water as far away from my home as it could be. And it was there when I really appreciated my journey to where I am now. And letting the difficulties of this move take me down would be shameful to what I have done in order to get here. 

Hard work usually pays off. Someday I hope that, succeed or fail, my story can inspire someone else to take a chance on something that generally has all odds against them. Although the roulette wheel of life is still waiting for my ball to settle, win or lose, I don't regret my journey. 

What to Expect

Sometimes you just need to do things in order to make you happen. Obviously I am not new to this idea of doing what makes you happy. For this reason, I have some exciting news regarding my trip to LA.

I have decided to purchase a video camera and document the entire journey to the west coast so that everyone can experience this leap I am taking right along side me.

Subscribe to my channel on Youtube for updates!

http://www.youtube.com/user/EspciallyJeff

I won't stop writing on this blog, though! This is just another segment for anyone who enjoys the media I put out to also indulge in.

On top of my youtube channel, I am going to begin a new endeavor. I'm writing a book. It's sort of been a private hobby that has been happening for a while, but I figured if I say I am going to complete this, then I will feel more pressured to follow through with the project. More to come in the following months. I'm a firm believer in the 'write it, don't say it' mentality when it comes to my literature.

Both of these things will give me lots to do once I get to LA outside of job searching. I figured I'll need some form of an escape from the insanity of the west coast.

Not much inspiration on here for now, more of a public commitment and announcement! I'll get back to my posts soon.

For now, enjoy this video of a cat riding a turtle:

Next stop, West Coast!

The Importance of Risks

The unknown is scary. Somewhere, someplace, there is probably a documented study on how people react to unknown information. I would guess the responses range from terror, uncomfortableness, self urination, crying, binge eating, ect. I've experienced the fear of the unknown recently, and, frankly, need to put into prose some form of response so that I can gain momentum towards breaking this fear and taking the risk of diving head first into the unknown world.

In one month from now I will not know where I will be living. I will not know where I will be working. I will not know what I will be eating. Basically the only thing I know about August 24th is that I will have been in Los Angeles for a week. It's a big move for me. I've grown up and lived in Pennsylvania for my entire life. But I am leaving the nest and throwing caution to the wind in order to travel across America to be in a new city full of unknown opportunities. August 24th will hopefully be the first day that I begin to retract from the depths of the unknown. The important thing about the day of August 24th is that I have promised myself I will have found an apartment by then. Cheers to that goal, lets celebrate with a bottle of champagne that I cannot afford!

Lately I have been applying to at least one job a day. This has totaled in 20+ applications in about 2 weeks. What no one tells you about being an adult and applying for work is that sometimes no one contacts you. You can update your inbox every hour, like a 14-year old girl who just sent her crush a love letter, but the only incoming mail is from your mom. This isn't something that a college education preps you for (that means, for all of you in high school, there isn't a 'dealing with email neglect 101'). I always expected companies to be polite and, at the very least, send a courtesy rejection email. The only thing worse than rejection is the unknown. For all I know these companies ARE considering me. But, how am I supposed to know that with zero contact, right? I feel like someone who just sent a text after a first date and has waited two weeks for a response about going on another. I can't be that terrible, can I?

The truth is, I am probably not terrible. They have a lot of applications, and the job market is very competitive right now. But, this unknown fear has really been weighing me down.

I guess that my main motivation for dealing with this pressure is the KNOWN of what would happen if I didn't take this risk. I would move back home with my parents. I would work for a factory and make decent money, but not be around people that are of my desired culture, and not be living on my own with the ability to  explore a city of diversity and opportunity. To me, this outcome is more terrifying than being homeless and unemployed on August 24th. Letting go of my dreams and giving into the known is what I should be fearing.

Supposedly I should be doing the smart thing. I should be doing what is financially less risky and socially more understood. But, I don't want that. I can't let the fear of taking a risk get in my way. In fact I shouldn't even fear taking a risk. They say you can't be afraid of what you don't know right?

Working for Happiness

Recently I have graduated from Penn State for my undergraduate education. In America, now-a-days, we see it as a very common occurrence that a person is required to have a degree in order to join the work force, or, in many cases, the ranks of unemployment. The degree has become something of a lie that we are told in high school. We are convinced that if we go to college we will be well off financially, and therefor happy. Unfortunately, many jobs that required a BA several years ago now requires an MA. Why is this? Who decided that in order to be successful you needed to be in more debt (or be privileged enough to have family/inheritance/ect to pay for your education)?

No thanks to writers like Lena Dunham, who apparently can make a career out of exploiting the sad white girl market, post undergrads resort to obtaining jobs in career fields that either have nothing to do with their degree, or totally sacrifice their happiness. What really bothers me is the latter of these paths. Why on earth would anyone take a job that makes them unhappy?

I recently watched a fabulous documentary called Beauty is Embarrassing. It follows the career and life of Wayne White, the artist. He is best known for his puppetry in the 80s hit TV show PeeWee's Playhouse, but he also is a painter, performer, father, and husband. Although the film is fascinating for simply showing his work, he also highlights a very important point about life. That is to do what you love, and it will lead you where you want to go.

Sure, not everyone loves making puppets or painting, but I think that this can be applied to all fields. If you love science, do that, and don't do it to make money or because someone tells you you should. Do what you want to do.

Currently (for the summer) I am working as a carpenter in a theatre scene shop, as well as some freelance design work. I'm making enough money, and am working long hours, but I'm happy. I am happy to go into work each morning, and when I go to sleep I don't dread waking up. Who would want to dread the next day before having experienced it?

Sure, not everyone can think this way. Money, unfortunately, is the driving force of our nation. It forces us into these financial boxes, and somehow leads us to be unhappy. But, to tell you the truth, I would rather be happy with less money than well off and hating my job. Not everyone can let themselves obtain that mentality, but I do love what I do, and I'll never be a pathetic character on 'Girls'.