The Art of Being Rejected and Dealing with It

I think that one of the biggest life lessons anyone can learn is being able to accept and grow from rejection. We all experience it. Some more than others, but it is genuinely a terrible feeling whether it is the first or thousandth time.

Rejection comes in many disguises. For some it is romanic. Approaching your crush, and asking them out on a date, or, more commonly in modern society, on OkCupid. You take the risk to put all of your pride aside in order to open your life towards someone new in hopes that they will reciprocate in the same way.... Only to be told, "No." Or, even worse sometimes, being placed in the friend-zone. Feeling undesirable is perhaps one of the worst feelings ever.

However, rejection can be performed on way more stages than just the romantic front. For some it is asking a friend for a ride to work because your car broke down and you have no other way to make it there, then being told, "No." For others it is the salty cold shoulder when trying to get invited to a party that EVERYONE AND THEIR GRANDMOTHER has already been invited to. "No." For me, however, the feeling of inadequacy and self doubt have come from the career front. I have previously discussed my issues with finding employment. It is still as terrible to find full-time employment, but here is how I am dealing with it, and I think that it might be able to help with other forms of rejection, as well.

1. Take Control. Everyone else around you has their things to do. They are not going to be a constant thing in your life, and yes it is nice to feel included, or desired, or employed, but the truth is that you can't give someone else the power to control your circumstance. If something isn't working out don't keep trying to dig through stone with a spoon. Either find a jackhammer, or softer ground.

2. Remember What You Have. Working towards a goal is important, but not everyone has it figured out and knows what they're doing with their life. And, that's okay. What is dire is that you take to step back and recall all the good things that you have going for you while you take on the journey of self discovery. Half of life is figuring it out, and if you take the joy away from that by harping on the negative rejections, then you'll never really understand how your life should be mapped out. Take a deep breath. Not everyone said no, and not everyone will.

3. Don't Beat Yourself Up. This may be the most important. When you're rejected, your mind can automatically propel you into a downward spiral of self-deprecation. Do NOT let this happen. You are good enough. Maybe that person had one thing that was better for that specific situation, but you have something special that will be perfect somewhere else. Some people get lucky early on, but the path to 'yes' is only going to happen if you can love yourself first.

4. Surround Yourself with Happiness. This should be easy, but sometimes people let the influence of others take over their surroundings. Take the time to do the things that make you happy and be around the people that make you happy. Maybe what makes you happy is considered weird to some. Don't eliminate that activity from your life, eliminate the judgmental party. So long as your happiness inducing activity isn't harming your or anyone else, embrace it. As I say, you do you.

5. Move on. With all of the previous points in mind, you need to move on past being rejected. Don't try to play out the 'what if'. Don't try to say, "If only I..." Get past it. You will always have another chance at something new so long as you get up and move on. The quicker you can do this, the quicker you may finally be told, "yes."

Rejection is one of those things that keeps you up at night. I know that I take rejection very to heart, and it can swallow your emotions whole if you let it. Life is too short to allow this to happen. One day or another you will get what you want. Until that day, buck up. There is a 'Yes' out there waiting for you to message them "hello" on e-harmony, email them your resume, or ask them to play magic the gathering on Saturday.

Get Out of Your Bubble, Get on with Your Life

Most things in the modern world need to be classified. We have come acclimated to plopping a label on something. Not because the label is accurate, but because we want to understand it better. It's much easier to use one word to describe something, rather than an entire sentence. It's the different between saying, "The sky is blue," and "The sky is an ever changing gradient of indigo, ultramarine, and crimson." Sure, the sky, generally speaking, is blue, but, if you want to fully understand the sky, you need to understand that it changes colors, and is never really an even tone.

Unfortunately this principal is ever too present amongst humans. For some reason, we have an innate need to place each other into bubbles. It makes life easier, so you can understand someone. Which, is understandable. But, this becomes dangerous once we begin to allow these bubbles to merge, and become too massive and general. Especially when it comes to matters of gender and race. But, the world doesn't need another article about gender and racial stereotyping and why it's a dangerous thing. 

No, this isn't an article about that. This is about the bubble you choose to place yourself in, not one that others do. 

There is a huge pressure to acclimate yourself to something that is expected for yourself. Everyone has a very different position, that is very unique. And, I understand, that some people are placed into situations economically that it are nearly impossible to get out of. But, that's a whole other issue. People who have the opportunity to choose, however, shouldn't let that opportunity pass. We live in a world where privilege means success, but it doesn't necessarily mean choice. To quote one of my favorite movies (Pokemon: The First Movie), "... the circumstances of one's birth are irrelevant; it's what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are." 

So, how does this effect your bubble? It has everything to do with that. We have these categories that others want to place us in, just as much as we want to be placed into these categories. We want self identification just as much as others need to identify us. When you're born into something, you are automatically placed into a category, then from there you are forced to choose the bubbles to include yourself in as you grow up. 

You're straight? Okay here are the only other bubbles that can be added to that label. Oh, you're also Christian? Alright here are a few choices from there, you have to enter this bubble, though, because thats what straight christians do. And I guess you have to take these other bubbles, as well. Here's the republican bubble, and the homophobic bubble, and the Bill O'Riley fan bubble. Wait? You don't want those bubbles? But you won't fit in with the others... Are you sure you want that? Suits you...

This mentality goes every which way. Gay people have bubbles handed to them, atheists have bubbles handed to them, black people have bubbles handed to them, everyone has bubbles handed to them. But you don't have to let the bubbles choose you. You can step out of that bubble and be whatever you want. Your personal beliefs aren't determined by a few identifying factors of your life. If you want to be a republican, lesbian atheist, then you have every damn right to also be a vegan who doesn't believe in philanthropy. We are bound to constrictions and rules of one word. That word has no more power than a blade of grass does right before the mower passes over head. 

Just like the sky, you don't have to belong to such a small bubble. Or any bubble at all. Be what you want to be, not what you think you should be. I believe your life will be happier, and more colorful this way. And, maybe, you will begin to understand others more who don't fit into these little boxes that we create for ourselves. You'll learn to sympathize or tolerate those who don't fit with the life you are living. Or, you might even discover something new about yourself. Make your life into a collage, rather than a map. Knowing how to get somewhere isn't half as much fun as figuring out where to turn next. 

So how would you describe yourself? With a word, or a lifestyle? 

Last Sunset - The Leap

First video on the road. They get weird from here on out.

The Beginning of 'The Leap'

I have started my video travel vlog that documents my musings throughout my trip across the United States. It is a series called 'The Leap' available through my youtube channel, Especially Jeff.

'The Leap' is going to be a series of random videos from the road trip. Mostly stream of consciousness comedy vlogs. I got to see some really beautiful things on my way across America. And now that I am in LA (and I am moving into my apartment tomorrow), I'll be able to dedicate some free-time towards editing and writing. Expect much more, soon! There will be new videos every week, so be sure to subscribe by clicking HERE!

Here is the first video: Saying Goodbye

Putting it Together

Sometimes reflection is the only means to moving forward. This has never rang so true as toward my current situation after having road tripped across America to the west coast. 

I am uncertain as to what I should expect from my future here. I don't have an apartment yet. I don't have a job yet. But, I am working on both. Not to my surprise, both of these gateways of adulthood are very competitive here. It's like a giant, sprawling city resided by a bunch of Williams sisters, constantly competing for the gold. That an cheap mexican food. 

It would be a lie to say I haven't been stressed. I've been stressed out of my mind. This is probably the most difficult thing that I have ever had to do in my life. I've been living out of a suitcase for the last week and a half, I've been eating out daily, and I have spent every day since arriving in LA looking for apartments/jobs. To most people, this probably poses itself as insane. 

Today me and my friend Shannon decided to take a break from the hunting and the insanity of the city, to relax on the beach. We wound up at El Matador beach, upon a friend's recommendation. It was right in Malibu. The shore was a mixture of diving cliffs and dusty greenery with fits of sand coating any area where the shore-beaten boulders decided not to grow out of. It, quite literally, looked like the coast from the Little Mermaid, except I wasn't a red-head nor was I wearing a sea shell bra.

It was all to picturesque. We walked around the area and examined the atmosphere. After we found a place to plop down, I became enveloped in my own thoughts. While pacing in circles through the warm, coarse sand, I began to reflect on what I was doing with my life. It started with the negative thoughts of how ludicrous it is of me to blindly move to an unfamiliar city in order to pursue an unknown future. It then transformed into the acceptance of my decision, and the steps I must take in order to make it all work. Shortly after that list was composed, I took a step back and realized that Penn State starts its Fall Semester tomorrow. This is the first year that I will not be having a 'first day of school'. This is my first year where I am truly an adult, and that I can pursue whatever I dream of, simply, because I can. 

I've come a very long way to the west coast. I left my small town to attend a huge university. I went through 4 years of a college education and met some of the best friends that I may ever have in my life. I traveled all the way across the country, through cities and states that I never imagined myself seeing. I stepped into the vast body of water as far away from my home as it could be. And it was there when I really appreciated my journey to where I am now. And letting the difficulties of this move take me down would be shameful to what I have done in order to get here. 

Hard work usually pays off. Someday I hope that, succeed or fail, my story can inspire someone else to take a chance on something that generally has all odds against them. Although the roulette wheel of life is still waiting for my ball to settle, win or lose, I don't regret my journey. 

What to Expect

Sometimes you just need to do things in order to make you happen. Obviously I am not new to this idea of doing what makes you happy. For this reason, I have some exciting news regarding my trip to LA.

I have decided to purchase a video camera and document the entire journey to the west coast so that everyone can experience this leap I am taking right along side me.

Subscribe to my channel on Youtube for updates!

http://www.youtube.com/user/EspciallyJeff

I won't stop writing on this blog, though! This is just another segment for anyone who enjoys the media I put out to also indulge in.

On top of my youtube channel, I am going to begin a new endeavor. I'm writing a book. It's sort of been a private hobby that has been happening for a while, but I figured if I say I am going to complete this, then I will feel more pressured to follow through with the project. More to come in the following months. I'm a firm believer in the 'write it, don't say it' mentality when it comes to my literature.

Both of these things will give me lots to do once I get to LA outside of job searching. I figured I'll need some form of an escape from the insanity of the west coast.

Not much inspiration on here for now, more of a public commitment and announcement! I'll get back to my posts soon.

For now, enjoy this video of a cat riding a turtle:

Next stop, West Coast!

On the Right Track

Sometimes I take for granted the lessons that we learn from theatre. In a way I have become jaded to the magic of the stage after having worked in it. Honesty I stopped seeing shows that I have worked on.... I've become the ex boyfriend that doesn't give closure. I work really hard on it and run away as fast as I can, no looking back. I don't know what has given me so much angst against my theatre background. Maybe it is the fact that I haven't been really submerging myself in it the way I had imagined. Or maybe I just need a break from it in order to really appreciate it. For now, though, the only way I can think of treating theatre is by steering clear of it or hitting it with my car; not letting it come along for the ride.

One week from today I am moving to Los Angeles. My gut has been experiencing a sensation somewhere between having to poop and being mauled by a handheld mixer. Everyday I am doing something to prepare for the move, and the stress is making me very moody. Also I've been eating everything in sight. I ate an entire cosmopolitan magazine today. Also a wiimote. That is beside the point.

The point is that I'm beginning to get cold feet. This is perhaps going to be the most difficult thing that I have ever do in my life. I'm not only taking a huge financial risk, but I am moving to the opposite side of the country, far from where I was born and raised, and where most of my family resides. What am I thinking, right? It's insane. Why would I take this huge risk AND lose my support system? What am I looking to really gain? The truth is: I HAVE NO IDEA. Today I spent hours pacing around the empty house trying to find something to take my mind off the insistent doubt. This is where the tabloid consumption came into play.

After a while I put my itunes on shuffle, clicked play, and sat around as a thunderstorm began to develop outside. As the crashes sounded and the wind whistled, my stress built even more. It's almost as if the sudden monsoon outside was my doing. Just as the atmosphere became the familiar, murky, green-gray of an august rain, a song came on my shuffle.

"Now I can see you're in a rut, in disarray
And I'm not one to butt in, but in fact I must say
If you'd take it easy, trust awhile, don't look blue, don't look back
You'll pull through in just awhile 'cause you're on the right track"

My gut stopped clenching. Anymore I skip songs from musicals that appear on my shuffle. I've come to flag them as campy and lame with zero depth. But suddenly, like an open geyser, i was effected by this song. The song is called "On the Right Track" and it is from the musical Pippin. Although this show is known for being magical, I never really related to it. Until now that is. This song was exactly what I needed. Assurance. 

I suppose that I should not take my background in theatre for granted. I was given the ability to cause emotional reactions upon people through the art of stage craft. And although it can sometimes be a thankless job, it has gotten me to this point, and I can't stop where I am right now. 

I'm on the right track. Wherever this track may lead, each step I take is one more forward. But, I should probably stop eating inanimate objects.