I Saw a Stranger's Breasts Today

Now that I have your attention... I have an interesting story to tell.

I saw a stranger's breasts today. No, not just out of the blue or for the entire public to see. It was rather intimate, and in a way heart warming. Before anyone becomes confused or alarmed, allow me to elaborate.

It was around 12:30 PM. The sun was bright and the streets were busy with lunch dates, last minute Christmas travel, and the usual beggars. I, myself, was on my way to a lunch date in Hollywood. My mind lately has been very clouded; sort of a mix of anxiety and nostalgia colliding with hope and ambition. The entire walk to the red line station, however, gave me a brief moment of clarity, where nothing else mattered. It was about 58 degrees outside and the sun felt like a warm hug. This is why people live in California.

I ascended the stairs to the metro and heard the ever-so disappointing sound of a car leaving. A 10-minute wait was in store, but I was in no really hurry, so I got onto the empty train that had arrived as the other on left (the north Hollywood stop is the final stop, so either track will get you out of the valley).

As I sat and contemplated the various graffiti arts, I heard a boisterous, melodic voice enter the train. Lead by a rather edgy, mixed woman, a young, black woman in hot pink pants trailed onto the rail and indicated my way. "Let's sit here. He seems real nice!" she exclaimed. I laughed and shrugged. Usually I avoid speaking to strangers all together. "Oh shoot! That's my cousin!" She got up and shook fists with a man who had just entered and leaned against one of the poles. They shared a brief conversation before she sat back down. "Well he's not really my cousin," she said, "We ain't related, but like... we basically cousins."

"I get it." I responded, "I have people who for most of my childhood I thought were my cousins, but really they were my parents' friends' kids."  I kind of chuckled. "Basically cousins."

"So you black!" She grinned. I kind of laughed and shrugged again. "Whats your name?" We made introductions, and I met her friend and her 'cousin'. They went off into another conversation about where they were going. We were all, after all, meeting through the common purpose of a destination. The 'cousin' was on his way to fill out his final paper work to begin a new job with Delta airlines in Florida. Apparently this was a huge deal, since my hot panted friend grew with glee. "No shit! Is yo' baby momma comin' too?" She was not. The conversation got a little grim, as it was clear he had to part from the mother of his child in order to pursue a career, or, if anything, pursue money to support this family. "Well I'm on my way to a photo shoot!" She was rather smug.

"And I'm here to make sure she don't get raped!" Said her counterpart. My face must have shown concern, because there was an immediate response directed towards me.

"Okay, it's not like porn. I won't get raped."

My face was still perplexed. I was really missing something. She went on, "It's tasteful nudes. Here. I did them before. Look. See." She pulled out her phone and gave me an amuse-bouche of selected nude photography for which she was the subject. She was wonderfully curvaceous with smooth, almost melted on, skin. She was indeed in the nude, but, in a very artistic way. Almost in celebration of the human body. Adorned on her neck was a string of white pearls, which nicely contrasted her rich, mahogany skin. "It's artistic, right?!"

"Yeah. I would by no means call that porn," I said. "They're very good, really."

She smiled and put the phone away. "I told you. I'm doing more today!" She then went on to talk to her cousin about how she loves school, hates where she lives, loves weed, hates smoking after she brushes her teeth. I listened in and out of the conversation, really, because it was none of my business.

My stop was almost up, and I told them that I had to go meet someone for lunch. "It was nice meeting you," she said. "I knew you were a nice person. You have on a mustard hoodie."

I chuckled, "And you hot pink pants." We shook hands, and I exited. I turned around in just enough time to watch the doors close, and the shuttle take off into the cavern, towards their futures.

The Clockwork Orange

When I was young, I was never really interested in reading literature that was assigned to me. In fact, I out right refused to read it. Classics such as The Lord of the Flies, The Outsiders, and Frankenstein were all thrown to the wayside by me. I think that it was something internal that I had. Deep down inside, I did not like being told what to do. That, and I believe, I had a slight attention problem (shout out to video games for that one!).

Or, maybe, I just needed to grow up.

Recently I have taken interest in reading more. Perhaps it is because I have been writing more, but the main reason is that I gained a wealth of down-time at my job as a run crew member. I started off with reading the John Green book, The Fault in our Stars. It's a teen fiction, very emotional (I cried), but generally an easy read. It doesn't challenge me to think, but it made me feel things. As a self proclaimed devoid-of-emotion human, I was horrified by this reaction. Can words really make me feel sad?

I digress. The next book for which I read is the ever so popular Catching Fire, from the best selling Hunger Games series. This book by no means moved me, but it did excite me. It was clearly written as a thrilling action novel that would place a very accessible message about human nature and free-will to its reader. Yet again, I was not challenged. However, this book excited me. Although there were obvious flaws in the structure, Catch Fire was definitely a book that you could not put down, and I'm not used to that. Can words really make me feel excited?

Most recently I finished the book A Clockwork Orange. Apparently I was in a dystopian mood after coming off of Catching Fire, but there is a huge difference between these two books; thought. Initially when I was reading the 60's classic, I was turned off. How dare this author force me to learn an entirely new slang? As I began to get beyond the strange new language, I grew to be riveted by the story that was unfolding. By the end I was really thinking about human nature and free-will. I was even fortunate enough to read the British version of the book (the American version left out the final chapter), which gave me the opportunity to internally contemplate the message of the book that initially struck each nation. Can words really make me think?

Yes. Words can do all of those things.

(IF YOU HAVE NEVER READ THIS BOOK... STOP RIGHT NOW BECAUSE I TALK ABOUT IT.... BUT SERIOUSLY READ THE BOOK.)

Since I finished A Clockwork Orange, yesterday, my mind has been atwitter thinking about how the book ended, that being the british version. It really raises the gesture of the absurd standards that society has set for us as individuals. Regardless of who we were as kids. Regardless of what mistakes or victories we committed as young people. Regardless of our social economic class. We're all expected to at some point grow up, get married, and reproduce.

The character Alex has this lightbulb turn on in his head regarding this standard. In the early 60s it was very much so expected for someone to commit to this exact path. Even the most rowdy children were forced to grow up to be a spouse and parent.

However, I think, that the main gathered thought that I obtained from this book is that I never want to be that.

As a kid I was resistant towards being told to read these books. Now, I am older, and am choosing to read them. I am retaining my free will, unlike Alex in the book. I plan to retain my free will to not commit towards the unreasonable standard of settling down, getting a boring job, and never really experiencing life the way that I want to.

Although Alex, in the book, wanted to commit violence (trust.... I am not a criminal), I on the other hand want to travel. I want to enjoy my job. I want to see things, meet people, and go places that most others regret to have thrown to the wayside. Society is telling me to be normal, and I am refusing. (Although the one thing I do want is a companion to adventure and experience these things with me, but that person can never expect me to 'settle down'. To me 'falling in love' doesn't equate to 'becoming boring'. I guess that is as 'normal' as I'll get.)

Ultimately, there is nothing wrong with doing any of the things that I personally detest. I have many friends and family members who chose to lead that life, and they are happy in doing so. Ultimately your free will in life is all that you have. Take what is yours, and always move forward. When you settle for something less than you want or deserve, then you'll never know what you could have become if you resisted expectations.

The Art of Being Rejected and Dealing with It

I think that one of the biggest life lessons anyone can learn is being able to accept and grow from rejection. We all experience it. Some more than others, but it is genuinely a terrible feeling whether it is the first or thousandth time.

Rejection comes in many disguises. For some it is romanic. Approaching your crush, and asking them out on a date, or, more commonly in modern society, on OkCupid. You take the risk to put all of your pride aside in order to open your life towards someone new in hopes that they will reciprocate in the same way.... Only to be told, "No." Or, even worse sometimes, being placed in the friend-zone. Feeling undesirable is perhaps one of the worst feelings ever.

However, rejection can be performed on way more stages than just the romantic front. For some it is asking a friend for a ride to work because your car broke down and you have no other way to make it there, then being told, "No." For others it is the salty cold shoulder when trying to get invited to a party that EVERYONE AND THEIR GRANDMOTHER has already been invited to. "No." For me, however, the feeling of inadequacy and self doubt have come from the career front. I have previously discussed my issues with finding employment. It is still as terrible to find full-time employment, but here is how I am dealing with it, and I think that it might be able to help with other forms of rejection, as well.

1. Take Control. Everyone else around you has their things to do. They are not going to be a constant thing in your life, and yes it is nice to feel included, or desired, or employed, but the truth is that you can't give someone else the power to control your circumstance. If something isn't working out don't keep trying to dig through stone with a spoon. Either find a jackhammer, or softer ground.

2. Remember What You Have. Working towards a goal is important, but not everyone has it figured out and knows what they're doing with their life. And, that's okay. What is dire is that you take to step back and recall all the good things that you have going for you while you take on the journey of self discovery. Half of life is figuring it out, and if you take the joy away from that by harping on the negative rejections, then you'll never really understand how your life should be mapped out. Take a deep breath. Not everyone said no, and not everyone will.

3. Don't Beat Yourself Up. This may be the most important. When you're rejected, your mind can automatically propel you into a downward spiral of self-deprecation. Do NOT let this happen. You are good enough. Maybe that person had one thing that was better for that specific situation, but you have something special that will be perfect somewhere else. Some people get lucky early on, but the path to 'yes' is only going to happen if you can love yourself first.

4. Surround Yourself with Happiness. This should be easy, but sometimes people let the influence of others take over their surroundings. Take the time to do the things that make you happy and be around the people that make you happy. Maybe what makes you happy is considered weird to some. Don't eliminate that activity from your life, eliminate the judgmental party. So long as your happiness inducing activity isn't harming your or anyone else, embrace it. As I say, you do you.

5. Move on. With all of the previous points in mind, you need to move on past being rejected. Don't try to play out the 'what if'. Don't try to say, "If only I..." Get past it. You will always have another chance at something new so long as you get up and move on. The quicker you can do this, the quicker you may finally be told, "yes."

Rejection is one of those things that keeps you up at night. I know that I take rejection very to heart, and it can swallow your emotions whole if you let it. Life is too short to allow this to happen. One day or another you will get what you want. Until that day, buck up. There is a 'Yes' out there waiting for you to message them "hello" on e-harmony, email them your resume, or ask them to play magic the gathering on Saturday.

Get Out of Your Bubble, Get on with Your Life

Most things in the modern world need to be classified. We have come acclimated to plopping a label on something. Not because the label is accurate, but because we want to understand it better. It's much easier to use one word to describe something, rather than an entire sentence. It's the different between saying, "The sky is blue," and "The sky is an ever changing gradient of indigo, ultramarine, and crimson." Sure, the sky, generally speaking, is blue, but, if you want to fully understand the sky, you need to understand that it changes colors, and is never really an even tone.

Unfortunately this principal is ever too present amongst humans. For some reason, we have an innate need to place each other into bubbles. It makes life easier, so you can understand someone. Which, is understandable. But, this becomes dangerous once we begin to allow these bubbles to merge, and become too massive and general. Especially when it comes to matters of gender and race. But, the world doesn't need another article about gender and racial stereotyping and why it's a dangerous thing. 

No, this isn't an article about that. This is about the bubble you choose to place yourself in, not one that others do. 

There is a huge pressure to acclimate yourself to something that is expected for yourself. Everyone has a very different position, that is very unique. And, I understand, that some people are placed into situations economically that it are nearly impossible to get out of. But, that's a whole other issue. People who have the opportunity to choose, however, shouldn't let that opportunity pass. We live in a world where privilege means success, but it doesn't necessarily mean choice. To quote one of my favorite movies (Pokemon: The First Movie), "... the circumstances of one's birth are irrelevant; it's what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are." 

So, how does this effect your bubble? It has everything to do with that. We have these categories that others want to place us in, just as much as we want to be placed into these categories. We want self identification just as much as others need to identify us. When you're born into something, you are automatically placed into a category, then from there you are forced to choose the bubbles to include yourself in as you grow up. 

You're straight? Okay here are the only other bubbles that can be added to that label. Oh, you're also Christian? Alright here are a few choices from there, you have to enter this bubble, though, because thats what straight christians do. And I guess you have to take these other bubbles, as well. Here's the republican bubble, and the homophobic bubble, and the Bill O'Riley fan bubble. Wait? You don't want those bubbles? But you won't fit in with the others... Are you sure you want that? Suits you...

This mentality goes every which way. Gay people have bubbles handed to them, atheists have bubbles handed to them, black people have bubbles handed to them, everyone has bubbles handed to them. But you don't have to let the bubbles choose you. You can step out of that bubble and be whatever you want. Your personal beliefs aren't determined by a few identifying factors of your life. If you want to be a republican, lesbian atheist, then you have every damn right to also be a vegan who doesn't believe in philanthropy. We are bound to constrictions and rules of one word. That word has no more power than a blade of grass does right before the mower passes over head. 

Just like the sky, you don't have to belong to such a small bubble. Or any bubble at all. Be what you want to be, not what you think you should be. I believe your life will be happier, and more colorful this way. And, maybe, you will begin to understand others more who don't fit into these little boxes that we create for ourselves. You'll learn to sympathize or tolerate those who don't fit with the life you are living. Or, you might even discover something new about yourself. Make your life into a collage, rather than a map. Knowing how to get somewhere isn't half as much fun as figuring out where to turn next. 

So how would you describe yourself? With a word, or a lifestyle? 

Last Sunset - The Leap

First video on the road. They get weird from here on out.

The Beginning of 'The Leap'

I have started my video travel vlog that documents my musings throughout my trip across the United States. It is a series called 'The Leap' available through my youtube channel, Especially Jeff.

'The Leap' is going to be a series of random videos from the road trip. Mostly stream of consciousness comedy vlogs. I got to see some really beautiful things on my way across America. And now that I am in LA (and I am moving into my apartment tomorrow), I'll be able to dedicate some free-time towards editing and writing. Expect much more, soon! There will be new videos every week, so be sure to subscribe by clicking HERE!

Here is the first video: Saying Goodbye

Putting it Together

Sometimes reflection is the only means to moving forward. This has never rang so true as toward my current situation after having road tripped across America to the west coast. 

I am uncertain as to what I should expect from my future here. I don't have an apartment yet. I don't have a job yet. But, I am working on both. Not to my surprise, both of these gateways of adulthood are very competitive here. It's like a giant, sprawling city resided by a bunch of Williams sisters, constantly competing for the gold. That an cheap mexican food. 

It would be a lie to say I haven't been stressed. I've been stressed out of my mind. This is probably the most difficult thing that I have ever had to do in my life. I've been living out of a suitcase for the last week and a half, I've been eating out daily, and I have spent every day since arriving in LA looking for apartments/jobs. To most people, this probably poses itself as insane. 

Today me and my friend Shannon decided to take a break from the hunting and the insanity of the city, to relax on the beach. We wound up at El Matador beach, upon a friend's recommendation. It was right in Malibu. The shore was a mixture of diving cliffs and dusty greenery with fits of sand coating any area where the shore-beaten boulders decided not to grow out of. It, quite literally, looked like the coast from the Little Mermaid, except I wasn't a red-head nor was I wearing a sea shell bra.

It was all to picturesque. We walked around the area and examined the atmosphere. After we found a place to plop down, I became enveloped in my own thoughts. While pacing in circles through the warm, coarse sand, I began to reflect on what I was doing with my life. It started with the negative thoughts of how ludicrous it is of me to blindly move to an unfamiliar city in order to pursue an unknown future. It then transformed into the acceptance of my decision, and the steps I must take in order to make it all work. Shortly after that list was composed, I took a step back and realized that Penn State starts its Fall Semester tomorrow. This is the first year that I will not be having a 'first day of school'. This is my first year where I am truly an adult, and that I can pursue whatever I dream of, simply, because I can. 

I've come a very long way to the west coast. I left my small town to attend a huge university. I went through 4 years of a college education and met some of the best friends that I may ever have in my life. I traveled all the way across the country, through cities and states that I never imagined myself seeing. I stepped into the vast body of water as far away from my home as it could be. And it was there when I really appreciated my journey to where I am now. And letting the difficulties of this move take me down would be shameful to what I have done in order to get here. 

Hard work usually pays off. Someday I hope that, succeed or fail, my story can inspire someone else to take a chance on something that generally has all odds against them. Although the roulette wheel of life is still waiting for my ball to settle, win or lose, I don't regret my journey.